She had to quit dance altogether. Her music — written and recorded by two siblings in their bedrooms — stands out in a pop universe where everything is made by the same seven or eight pros. Whereas Billie enjoyed torturing you. Hair by Joseph Chase at Exclusive Artists. But when there are things that make you miserable.
As a child, she was diagnosed with Tourette syndrome, which for her manifests as barely noticeable tics: a slight bulging of her eyes, a twitching of her head to one side. And, like, I do like fame. She heads inside to cool off with a gluten-free vegan burrito a lifelong vegetarian, she has never eaten meat — although she did once accidentally swallow an ant in a glass of soy milk. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain. For a long time, Eilish seemed more interested in visual art.
Live Wire: Eilish at Coachella in April. She starts in San Francisco, makes her way through the Pacific Northwest, and eventually arrives in Utah, where I meet up with her at a venue called the Great Saltair, on the banks of the Great Salt Lake. Several are dressed like mini-Billies — high-viz neon, multi-colored hair. Her music is darker and weirder than that of most teen pop stars, with a gothy, punkish, vaguely sinister edge and nary a hint of bubblegum. When Eilish signed her first record deal, her label tried to relocate her to a real studio and get her to collaborate with more seasoned songwriters and producers. Vocally, she recalls everyone from Lana Del Rey to early Eminem, her singsongy nyah-nyah raps giving way to beautiful, hushed ballads over a minimalist bottom end.
Eilish was so crushed, she quit riding altogether. I just wanted to be heard. Patrick works as a kind of utility man, using his carpentry skills to fix whatever needs fixing. Partway through the show, he sends her a text: Billie has a really good voice. Finneas asked for his first drum kit for Christmas at age three and taught himself piano at 11. She got a fancy new bus with her own bedroom and a shower.
Maggie played guitar and taught both kids the basics of songwriting: This is a verse, these are chords. Eilish shuffles into the greenroom and microwaves herself a burrito, then plops down into a massage chair, feeling queasy with a headache. She had no sympathy at all. Patrick worked as a handyman, Maggie taught classes in aerial the acrobatic discipline that uses fabric and trapeze , and both took on a lot of voice-over work. So I really cannot complain. As they schmooze and talk shop, Eilish and Zoe run around giggling, playing Frisbee with gluten-free tortillas. Going anywhere and being looked at because everyone knows who you are? Her mom turns to me.
She nuzzles each one, letting it smell her head. She sinks into a brown leather couch, and her mom brings her a plate of Tater Tots with mustard and ketchup. It was really, really bad. Styling by Samantha Burkhart at the Wall Group. She also experiences synesthesia, the neurosensory wire-crossing in which senses seem to blend together. Gen X rock stars like Dave Grohl, Eddie Vedder, Billie Joe Armstrong, and Thom Yorke have been taking their kids to see Eilish perform and stopping by to say hello to the pop star. As she and Finneas got older, they started writing together, eventually recording their songs on an iMac that Finneas — a former child actor with small roles on Modern Family and Glee — had saved up for.
But ever since her career took off, her nightmares have gotten way more intense. She says her job is to just hang out with Eilish and make her feel good. I felt unsafe with myself, even for an hour. It was too much on me. The girls gossip and reminisce for a while. Can you come sleep with me? Not that Eilish is impressed with it all.
Eventually she gets to a gorgeous black mare named Jackie O, and Eilish practically swoons. The first sound on her album is the adolescent slurp of her taking out her Invisalign, and that zero-fucks authenticity sums up her style. Late in the afternoon, a few dozen fans are ushered backstage for a meet-and-greet. By the time Eilish came along, Maggie was 42 and Patrick was 44. Then Eilish gets her wish, and the skies open up.